I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
