you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
