We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
