dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
