Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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