brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
