what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
