god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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