bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
