Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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