JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
