I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
