I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
