so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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