Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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