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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
