I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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