Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
