If i come over, it means nothing
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
