It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
