Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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