1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
