I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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