who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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