Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
