I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
