I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
