I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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