I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
