New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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