i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
