Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
