Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
