I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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