Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
