Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
