The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How does one acquire holy water?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
