I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
