I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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