I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
