Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it glows. i had to have it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
