I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
