had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
