my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
