I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
