i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
