just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
