Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
