I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
