he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I want to fling myself into the sun
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
