Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
